I like my name, my whole name, its a part of my personnel identity. My husband-to-be has always envisioned having a wife with the same last name and this is very important to him feeling like we%26#039;re a real married couple. He gets very upset and hurt whenever we discuss it. I understand how he feels, but everytime I think about changing my name right at the wedding, I get anxious inside. Its not that I%26#039;m going to correct anyone if they call me by his last name, we occasionally use it when booking hotels or restaurants now, but I don%26#039;t want to legally change it.
I%26#039;m not entirely opposed to changing my name but I%26#039;m not ready to do it now. We%26#039;ve compromised by saying I don%26#039;t hae to change it right away but I will before or when we have kids. I don%26#039;t want to have a different last name then my own kids. His argument is that if I%26#039;m willing to do it then, why can%26#039;t I just do it now? Am I being selfish?
Are you changing your name?
I personally did not, nor plan to, change my last name. I like my last name, plus it sounds better with my name than his does. My husband did not mind, and I think preferred I kept my name since it did sound better.
No you%26#039;re not being selfish, changing last names has to do with possessiveness of the olden days. Now, women are more independent, some women are already established in careers in which it would be a hassle to change their names.
If you do want to change it later, then you can. Don%26#039;t force it if you%26#039;re not ready right now. I hope he comes to understand how important this is to you!
Are you changing your name?
Hyphenate it Jones-Smith, that way you both get what you want.
Is you last name Matuzack?
You shouldn%26#039;t feel at all pressured to change your name. You%26#039;re right, it%26#039;s who you are and the person you%26#039;ve grown to become. Why should you change it if you don%26#039;t want to? As long as you guys get legally married, you%26#039;re a family.
With that said, I%26#039;m actually changing my name. Reason being, I hate it. It%26#039;s my dad%26#039;s name, and he bailed on our family when I was 13, not to mention it just sounds awful with my first name. While that name has been my identity my whole life, I%26#039;m ready to drop it, and I%26#039;ve never really identified with it to begin with.
Your name shouldn%26#039;t define who you are. But if it upsets you that much like the other person said hyphenate it! You%26#039;ll both get what you want.
I kept my entire name, and added his onto the end. (This way, my maiden last name became a second middle name). I don%26#039;t think you are being selfish. I don%26#039;t like my husband%26#039;s last name, but I took it because in our society, it shows that we are married. It%26#039;s like wearing a wedding ring. I eventually got used to it, but it took awhile. Good luck! I hope you can come up with an arrangement that makes you both happy!
I didn%26#039;t change my name. When it first came up (before we were married), my husband was taken aback; in his world, all married couples he had ever known had the same last names. But this was one thing I wasn%26#039;t willing to compromise on. I love and cherish my name, I%26#039;m proud of it, and I would just never consider changing it - period. Generally, I%26#039;ve always felt that if a guy gave me an ultimatum - change your name or I%26#039;m not gonna marry you - I wouldn%26#039;t want to be married to this person anyway. I would never demand of anyone to change their name - one%26#039;s name is a very personal thing - so for someone to put forth such a demand would be offensive to me. My husband, too, wanted us to have %26quot;the same last name%26quot;. I suggested that we both hyphenate; this would take care of the same last name issue, and our names sound good together. He didn%26#039;t want to do it, so things remained at default position - he kept his name and I kept mine. He was worried about the future kids%26#039; name - but I assured him that I really didn%26#039;t care what name my kids went by; if he wanted them to have his name, I had no problem with that. I simply wanted to keep my name for myself. So, once all of this was cleared out, the subject never came up again. Even with different names, you still feel like a married couple. My mom kept her own name after marriage, and she and my dad just celebrated their 35th anniversary; to suggest that they don%26#039;t feel like a %26quot;real%26quot; married couple would be ridiculous. There%26#039;s A LOT more to marriage than sharing the same name.
P.S. His argument makes a lot of sense. If you don%26#039;t want to do it now, you probably won%26#039;t want to do it 1, 2, 3 years down the road. Instead of making this %26quot;deal%26quot; that you%26#039;re not even entirely sure about, why don%26#039;t you just be honest with him and explain that you don%26#039;t want to change your name? It%26#039;s great that you considered his input in making your decision, but the final decision about YOUR name is still YOURS; tell him you have thought about it, and decided to keep your own name. Don%26#039;t be making promises you%26#039;re not sure you%26#039;re going to be able to keep - it%26#039;s not fair to either one of you. Having a different last name than your kids is not the end of the world; I know several couples who have this situation, and it%26#039;s not a big deal at all. I myself grew up with a mom whose last name was different from the rest of us; so did my dad (his mother has kept her maiden name as well). It%26#039;s just not that big a deal.
I%26#039;m changing it. Changing my name isn%26#039;t going to change me as a person and it shows my commitment to him. I know him by his last name and thinking about taking his name makes me excited because its like adding part of him to me - and the whole world gets to see it...
I always liked my name and so many people, professionally and socially, that knew me by that name. I did decide to do a hyphenated name. The only time I ever use the hyphenated name is signing legal documents. Other than that I mainly use just my husband last name, but on occasion I use my old last name.
Your husband to be really shouldn%26#039;t care what name you go by and you are not being selfish. He%26#039;s not changing his name to yours and you are not mad about that, right?
I hear ya! I%26#039;m not thrilled about changing mine either. I do not have any strong objections to it, I just do not want to. It%26#039;s not fair that us women have to change our name identities in order to be seen as part of a couple.
My friend was telling me all of the agencies that I have to contact in order have it changed ie: Social Security, credit cards, RMV, etc. I was like um can we have the wedding first? I do not see changing changing my name as a huge priority, but I guess she does.
My fiance said it would be an honor for me to take his last name. I was very touched by that. But then he explained it was an honor for ME not for him. Bleh. Men. Needless to say, I will probably succumb to societal pressure and just change it. It does seem to mean a lot to him too. It%26#039;s amazing how our modern society is still kind of stuck in the dark ages at times.
If you aren%26#039;t ready to get rid of your %26quot;personal identity%26quot; then maybe you aren%26#039;t ready to get married.
I for one didn%26#039;t look at giving up my last name as losing my identity. I looked at it as a new chapter in my life. I am still me.
I took my husband%26#039;s name. I joked with him asking if he%26#039;d take mine since there are no male descendants to carry on our family name, but it wasn%26#039;t a serious request.
What seems to be the key phrase is %26quot;this is very important to him%26quot;. Whether you agree with tradition, society%26#039;s rules, etc, what should matter most to you is how your fiance feels.
I%26#039;ve had to give up things important to me, but I did it willingly because I love my husband and want his happiness above all. It does take some getting used to and process of changing it isn%26#039;t super-fun, but everytime I sign my new name it reminds me of how much I love my husband and how glad I am we got married.
I%26#039;m changing mine.
If you really like your entire name (first middle %26amp; last), you could always add his onto the end %26amp; then add your last name as a middle name (so you have 2 middle names).
Like: Jane Ann Smith Marrying Tom Jones would become Jane Ann Smith Jones.
Don%26#039;t change it if you%26#039;re not comfortable with it. I personally can%26#039;t wait to change mine. I%26#039;m going from a 3 syllable 8 letter Polish last name to Noel (pronounced knoll). It%26#039;ll be nice to have a short last name!!
Yes, I agree with how your name has been your personal identity your whole life and now you to decide whether to change it or not. I%26#039;m having a bit of a struggle with that, too. I will be changing my name not because I want to but because it is traditional (the ONLY thing I%26#039;m doing traditionally) and I kinda like having the name of my new family; my husband.
My 1st wife didn%26#039;t take my name, she hyphenated it. I was unaware of here intensions to do this until the very last minute so I compromised.
What a mistake that was!
I have since learned that this is a clear indicator of not being fully committed to the marriage. My 2nd wife whom I have been happily married to has taken my name proudly. We have been married for almost nine years.
I changed my last name when I got married 3 years ago - but the process of changing it was so long and awful that I swore I would never do it again, no matter what happens!
At any rate, I was more then happy to do it and wanted my husband%26#039;s last name.
I did change mine to his so we would have the same last name. Have you talked to your husband about changing his last name to yours. If it%26#039;s really just a matter of sharing a last name, then it shouldn%26#039;t matter who takes whose last name. If he%26#039;s not willing to change his last name to the one you have, then I think it%26#039;s really hypocritical of him to complain about the fact that you won%26#039;t change yours.
I am changing my last name, not necessarily because I feel it%26#039;s the right thing to do, but simply because I like his last name better than mine. It will be weird having a new last name, but I really like the way it sounds all together. If you already feel that way about your maiden name, keep it! If your fiance has a problem with you not being Mrs. (his name), try to compromise by promising that you will take his name legally and continue to use your old name for everyday purposes. For example, you would sign all contracts such as mortgages and car loan contracts with your married name, but still keep your old nameplate on your desk at the office. That%26#039;s what celebrities do- most female celebrities don%26#039;t take their husbands%26#039; last names if they%26#039;re already well-known by their maiden name, but they still use the married name for legal purposes.
Sooth his fragile male ego with the idea that no matter how much your NAME may remain Jane Single in the world of work and school, your TITLE will be Mrs. Joe N. Secure in social settings, your family will be known that The Secures, and the children will bear his last name.
We all intend for marriages to last forever, but the sad fact is that things don%26#039;t always always work out that way. Keeping the same name all your life saves you a lot of problems and money over the years. It can create huge headaches when your high school transcripts, birth certificate, medical records, etc, are in some name other than the name on your drivers%26#039; licence. Why buy this headache?
If it%26#039;s all that important to him that you and he have the same last name, then let him change HIS name and deal with the hassles. I wish you joy, but caution you to be very careful about entering into a lifelong commitment with someone who views the relationship as a power struggle rather than as an opportunity to dedicate his life to pleasing you.
I think if you want to keep your name then you should be able to. Or if you want to wait to change it, your husband should be ok with that too. Why not ask him to change his name to yours and see what he says?! I actually have a male friend who got married and his new wife hyphenated her maiden name %26amp; added his last name and he ended up doing the same. So he took her maiden name along with his last name. I thought that was weird but I guess some men are ok with that. Regardless, it%26#039;s just a name and doesn%26#039;t take away from the fact that your his wife. Hope it works out!
I changed my name. I love having the same name as my husband. We%26#039;re like a team, and I got a new jersey that I love wearing. I%26#039;m a lawyer. When I got married, I told all my clients that I was getting hitched, and they were all more than happy to call me by my new name. It didn%26#039;t cause me any loss of professional respect or reputation. I don%26#039;t feel like I lost my personal identity; I feel like I%26#039;ve become a better version of me, and it%26#039;s cool that my name reflects that transition.
About half of my female colleagues change their names; the other half don%26#039;t. Of the ones that don%26#039;t, a bunch of them change them after they kids. Whatever you choose is a valid choice. Hopefully you can find a way to present your choice to your husband without offending him. Good luck!
I kept my name. My husband was fine with it and actually wanted me to keep it. We are both professionals.
He isn%26#039;t insecure about me not having his name, which is one of the reasons I love him. Our children will have his last name and my name as their middle name.
I%26#039;ve been married for five months and I changed my last name. My maiden name was really common and so is my first name so it was pretty boring. My husband%26#039;s name is a bit more unique. Besides, my mom did not change her name when her and my dad got married, and it was always a pain for her and us when it came to things like doctors and school. They always assumed my last name was the same as hers and then they could never find me in their systems so either my mom or me had to correct them. It was a pain. Also, (and I know this shouldn%26#039;t be a big deal) people always thought either my parents were divorced or my mom was my step-mom.
I agree with your fiance. If you want to change it before you have kids, why not just do it now?
I can see both sides of this, but look at it this way. You%26#039;re going to get a nice ring and if all he wants is you to share his last name, you should be able to do that.
