I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years. He's Armenian, I am not. I understand very well the dilemma an Armenian is faced when dating a non-Armenian. My situation is not different than anyone who has ever been in this situation. He and I discussed this issue before we started dating and I told him I was aware that this may stir up a great conflict with his family, but I was willing to take that risk. However, I made it clear from the beginning, the only way it would ever work is if we were on the same team, otherwise the issue with his family would be a losing battle for me without a doubt. We thought long and hard before jumping into anything and in the end we both decided to give it a shot.
Fast forward two years later we brought up this issue the other day and it was then that he confessed that the issue was not just with his family, but also with him (i.e. he wasn't sure he himself could marry a non-Armenian). At that point, I was confused because he had never talked to me about it. I was always under the impression that it was just an issue with his family, mainly because he was the one who wanted to pursue a relationship with me. I was obviously hurt because had I known that he had the issue, I would never have allowed myself to get attached or to even start a relationship with him. I told him that he has every right to end up with whomever he wants and that I have always respected his culture and his values but he did not have a right to play with someone's mind or heart like this. I asked him why were we building on something that was never there to begin with and all he could do was tell me he felt like shitt.
I am not one of these ignorant non-Armenian girls who doesn't understand the deep rooted cultural believes of Armenians. I understand their views on marriage and preservation of an ethnic identity. I highly respect his culture and identify with it because it is very similar, if not identical, to my own Spanish culture. With that said, I have taken the time to learn not just about the culture, but the history and the story of Armenia in addition to the eastern Armenian dialect. I have always been of the belief that your children should know where they came from and should take pride in their roots. For this reason, I want to be able to speak to them in Armenian and a lot of that burden falls upon a mother to teach them. I have done all that I can from learning to speak, read, and write Armenian to learning to cook their cuisine and now I'm left wondering.....what should I do.
I broke up with him after his revelation and told him to stop wasting his time and mine if in the end he wants to end up with an Armenian. I told him I understand why he feels the way he does but I told him I was not one of these random *** uncultured non-Armenian girls. He's seen me for who I am and knows that the only thing that sets me apart from an Armenian girl is my blood, and that is the one thing that I cannot change.
I've been miserable since that day, I'm absolutely heart broken. It doesn't feel right not to be with him. He's tried to talk to me since but I told him that if he cares about me, he will just leave me alone and let me heal. Last night, he came over and he told me he didn't feel right about all of this. We're both heart broken but like I told him, you seem to have made up your mind about what you want and if after two years you couldn't come to change your mind about it, then nothing is going to change two years from now. I told him I was hurt that he didn't tell me about how he felt until now and he said he was kind of in denial about it. In response to the future he said he didn't know if he really felt that way or if it was just something that was ingrained in his head from his youth. He told me I was everything to him and that he didn't want to lose me and he wanted to give it another chance. I told him that no matter what he was saying, I wasn't ever going to turn Armenian and he had to decide in his heart if that was something he could live with. I told him to think about not just now but later when kids came in the picture and asked him if he would feel less Armenian if they had an Armenian upbringing but did not have 100% full blood. I asked him to consider also the marriage, the events, the family gatherings and to really think it through.
A few hours ago he came back and said that he wanted to give it another chance. I'm a very logical and rational minded person but when it comes to this, I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I know my self worth and know that I have given my all to show him how much I am willing to do to. I also know that I won't ever become Armenian no matter how much I do or how hard I work to give him the life he's known.
So given all of that, I want to know from those of you that have ever been there, if you think his heart is going to change and we deserve another chance?
Need advice from Armenians?
I am sorry you are going through this very tough and complicated sitiuation, it really sucks. You seem to be a very smart girl. I am armenian and i don't know everything ur ex is going through but i definitley understand it. its very obvious he loves u, but usually that is not enough. at the end of the day it will be his decision whether he is willing or not to marry a non armenian girl, but what u also gotta understand is that family must play a big role in his life, whether he wants to admit it or not, how his family is willing to handle plays a big role in how that makes him feel about ur relationship, obviously there are some families who are able to handle it better than others but heres a couple of questions u should think about.
Has he introduced u to his parents, or siblings?
Has he taken u to restaurant parties where all his family was there?
If the answer is no, that might be a problem, if the answer is yes, how did u feel when u were there, I mean how did u REALLY feel?
I think he wants to be with u but he needs to really find out whether he is willing to marry a non armenian girl before anything else. If he can answer that question to u without hesitation, give the relationship another shot, if he can't just give it some time and time will tell u many things.
I think its very sweet that u have done ur research about the armenian culture and are willing to be more familiar with it and upbring ur children accordingly. Be strong and life will bring u the right path in due time.
:)
Need advice from Armenians?
I think you have to give him another possibility.
My heart goes out to you. You have obviously gone way out of your way to make this work with him. He really has to accept and be alright with the fact that you are non-Armenian. Unless that happens giving it another shot is just going to be harder.You should never be made to feel 2nd rate or not good enough for him or his family. I'm not saying that's how he made you feel, I'm just generally speaking. I don't think you should give him another chance unless he is willing to be accepting of your non-Armenian blood 100% and be happy knowing that your kids will be still have a mother who is dedicated to teaching them about Armenian culture perhaps even more than other Armenian women. If he accepts that, then I'm sure you will have that happiness that most can only dream about.
I personally just recently started seeing an Armenian guy. We get along like a house on fire so much so that its scary. We know that we can make each other happy and the possibilities of us having love and personal happiness is very real. Problem : He just told me he already has a gf who is Armenian who he cannot see a future with but is trying to adjust with because she is Armenian. He has tried to date many Armenian women and has not found that one. I have obviously stopped seeing him I would never take some other woman's man. What is so sad is that because of what is ingrained into one's mind as a child from parents, it makes it so difficult to chose love and happiness over nationalism. Yes their culture is important to maintain and keep alive, but at the cost of true love?
Good luck. Be strong. Don't give up your sense of self worth for anyone. I hope he comes around.
Well Im armenian and armenian parents always want their children to marry armenians or russians.
i am an armenian girl and i am dating a non- Armenian guy. i love him with all my heart. i dnt care what my family has to say. i respect their input but that is all. my situation is different from yours but if he hasnt introduced you to his family and friends then i dont think you should be with him. If hes letting culture and family get in the way then its not worth it. Armenian men listent to their mother more than their wives/girlfriend so if %26quot;mom%26quot; has problem with you he will have a problem with you. i dnt wanna scare you away from him but if he loves and wants to be with then give him another chance. i know what he is going through. its tough but if u guys have had an open relationship where his parents know then there is no reason for him to bring up culture. i hope that helps. good luck
