Sigh.
Another day
Another life time I've had to endure
Without seeing your face
Hearing your voice
Playing with your hair
Another few times I'll have to live without your transparent voice
You know the one;
The one that once whispered in my ear,
%26quot;I love you,%26quot; In that melodic, lyrical way.
The way that made me melt
And then harden into tiny little pieces of candle wax.
--
Cough.
I choke on the words I have meant to say outloud
But it's impecible,
Because I'm an imbecile of the ways of heart break and literature
And of course, heartbreak always seems to include you
Maybe it's because you've pretended that you weren't present
Not knowing that you were my little gift
Or maybe because I can't get your pretty little head out of my mind
And when I don't see it, I feel my heart get smothered with flames
And my soul being ripped apart by gasoline.
--
Sob.
I cry out the screams inbetween tears.
Because you left me.
Whether it was intentional or not
I feel like it's my fault that you stood on those traintracks
Your deaf ears couldn't hear the screams of the sirens.
But I could hear them
Loud and clear.
As I ran for you, I could hear my heart shrieking it's own sirens,
Saying your name all over again.
%26quot;Joe. Bill. Aaron. Jason. Mitchell. Skylar.
Anyone?%26quot;
Of course, I could never remember your real name, seeing as you changed your identity
Just so you could make it easier for yourself to run from me.
--
Wipe.
I took the back of my hand and dried my eyes,
But it didn't really have any effect
Because parts of your lifeless body were lieing in my lap
While your arm was covered in dirt off to the side
I should never have told you how alive lieing on the train tracks made me feel.
I'm sure that we were too good of friends for you not to try it;
To not try and feel like me, in my darkest hours.
I can't help but feel that's it's my fault your gone.
Maybe I was too clingy
Or I just needed you more than you needed me
I still need you
But in a different way.
I love you more than you could know
Even though I'll never get to see your starry eyes again.
--
I love you for being there for me.
I hate you for leaving me to fend for myself.
I don't have any of my own guidelines,
And you knew that, too.
So I can't help but think that you did all this for me
So I could learn how to take care of myself properly
Oh man, I am going to miss that smile of yours.
And it's all I can do to keep the tears from leaving stains on my flushed cheeks.
--
I miss you.
--
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What do you think of this?
If you are sensitive about criticism of your work, don't read any farther.
I wouldn't publish it. As a journal entry, it probably reflects your feelings accurately. As literature, it's a journal entry.
The day will come when you will see blatant displays of emotion as about as attractive as watching animals copulating.
I would sit on it for a couple of days before I sent it to anyone important.
impecible is misspelled. I believe that you were trying for %26quot;impeccable%26quot; meaning, %26quot;without flaws.%26quot;
